The Irresistible Temptation
A long line of men stood at one of Heaven's gates, waiting to be admitted. There was a sign over the gate which read, "For men who were dominated by their wives while on earth." The line extended as far as the eye could see. At another of Heaven's gates, only one man was standing. Over this gate there was a sign that read, "For men who were not dominated by their wives." St. Peter approached the lone man standing there and asked, "What are you doing here?" The man replied, "I don't really know. My wife told me to stand here."
A strong case could be made to prove that the most irresistible temptation to misuse power is the temptation to take control of other people's lives. Wives do it. Husbands do it. Parents do it. Siblings do it. Politicians do it. Teachers do it. Clerics do it. Scientists do it. Friends do it. Employers do it, and on and on. The temptation is real and ongoing for all of us, especially in our relationships with those who are closest to us.
A loving relationship is based on a willingness of each of the parties to call forth the unique, God- given gifts of the other. The desire to manipulate and control is a contradiction of this essential ingredient. God made man in His own image, and the God-given gifts in each person are unique. A person achieves wholeness of life to the degree that he or she is reflecting God's image through these unique gifts. When we give in to the temptation to manipulate and control, when we try to recreate the other in our own image, we stifle this process. Let it be! Let the other person be as God intended him or her to be!
A young high school student took a part-time job in a supermarket as a stock clerk. After his first day on the job, his mother asked him how he liked it. He replied,
It was one of the most revealing experiences of my life. When I was stocking shelves in the canned goods section, a woman came down the aisle pushing her shopping cart. Trudging alongside was her little girl, about three-years-old. "Hold on to the cart!" I heard the mother say. Then, "Pull up your socks! Don't touch! Don't move! Don't touch! Fix your hair! Move over! Stop your day-dreaming!" And on and on, until I had counted seventeen commands. And that was in just one aisle. Then an elderly couple came through. Each time one of them selected an item, the other had some comment: "Get the larger size! Get the smaller size! Take the other brand! I thought you didn't like pineapple!" And on and on. It was as though they hadn't come to shop, but to debate. I couldn't help wondering what their life together at home was like.
The essence of Christian love is giving oneself to the other person so that the other person is fulfilled and affirmed. Trying to play God with your own life or the lives of others diminishes life. You are not the master of your own fate, or anyone else's. Let it be! The desire to be in full control was man's primary problem from the beginning. When Satan told Adam and Eve that if they ate the forbidden fruit they would be
in control -- like gods -- they found the temptation irresistible and they fell from Grace, and here we are.
Whenever you are next tempted to try to recreate another person in your own image, you would do well to be silent and gaze intently at the magnificent sight. And if you look long enough and hard enough and lovingly enough, you may be surprised to hear yourself say, softly and reverently, "O God, You have done well! O God, You have done very well! I can do no other than to let it be!"
